Pepsi Introduces New Gingerbread Flavor

Ah, the holidays—a time when I feel like a cross between Ebenezer Scrooge and the Grinch on a caffeine binge. Every year, the season sneaks up on me, and just like the Grinch’s heart swelling three sizes, my holiday spirit grudgingly inflates at the last second. Let’s hope my cardiologist isn’t on standby for that one.

And what does Christmas bring this year? Another corporate sugar bomb wrapped in tinsel! Enter Pepsi Zero Sugar Gingerbread Mini Cans—a concoction of brown sugar, cinnamon, ginger, and molasses, all sprinkled into what I assume was an already overworked soda recipe.

As if that weren’t enough, they’ve recruited Shaquille O’Neal, the NBA legend himself, to star in “The Mini Holiday Baking Show.” Picture this: Shaq cracking eggs on his head, accidentally setting the kitchen ablaze, and dramatically pulling out a can of gingerbread Pepsi like it’s the Holy Grail of Christmas cheer. Baking soda? No, Shaq, it’s Pepsi soda!

“With the holiday season in full swing, we’re spreading some cheer by bringing Shaq’s hilarious baking antics to our social platforms and giving fans the chance to get their hands on this limited-edition flavor on TikTok through qualifying purchases and Pepsi Drops giveaways,” said Jenny Danzi, head of Pepsi brand marketing, in a statement.

Seriously, do we need this level of holiday ho-ho-overload in our soft drinks? My taste buds and sugar levels are begging for mercy. Christmas consumerism: 1, my self-control: 0. Bah, humbug indeed!