The game of asparagus spears

The future is not told in cards but in asparagus. Move over tea leaves! I did not know that asparagus governs the future of man. Jemima Packington a 65-year-old British astrologer who is world’s only so-called Asparamancer, claims she correctly predicted the Queen’s death by throwing spears into the air and seeing where they land. Now you know what happens when you eat large amounts of asparagus? Too much asparagus causes side effects such as gas, and a noticeable smell in the urine.

The vegetable soothsayer also predicted events such as Brexit, Prince Philip’s death, Theresa May’s resignation as prime minister, and Harry and Meghan’s withdrawal from the Royal Family. The veggie seer or as she is known, Mystic Veg, boldly predicts that King Charles III will hand over the reign to Prince William next year. I hope she does not get more creative and starts to toss in the air salmon with her asparagus.

According to Jemima, asparagus is the perfect thing for predicting the future. “The asparagus is such an earthy vegetable, it’s very robust, it’s very quick growing, it seems able to take on the energy of whoever wants a prediction. So it’s that energy that affects the asparagus and how it makes patterns and how I can interpret.” Take that, astrology!

Of interest: California is among the top 3 states in asparagus production. Other states that produce bunches of asparagus include Washington and Michigan, while others produce very small quantities.